Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house...

Who am I kidding, except for me, there were no creatures in my house to stir--at least no mammals.

My lover had moved out three weeks ago. I didn't mind her going so much, but she took the elegant Siamese Pertydrake with her. We had a long hard custody battle over the cat, but in the end, I had to admit that Perty had move in with her, so she got to take him when she left.

So here I was alone, again, for the holidays. I had my viewing all picked out for the next day, starting with Miracle on 34th Street, and ending with The Bishop's Wife. I had my miniature turkey (e.g. Rock Cornish Game Hen) all stuffed and ready to go in the oven, and I had bought a pecan pie for desert.

Under my Christmas tree were the grab bag gift from work and the fruitcake my bank sent me each year. Usually, I take the cake to the park the day after Christmas and crumbled it up for the pigeons; they deserve a holiday treat too.

It's not that I hadn't had invitations from several friends to spend the holidays with them. But I always felt in the way when I visited all those happy couples. Last year, when I still had a significant other, I spent the holidays with two pairs of my closest friends. But now that I'm single again, I insist on spending Christmas alone. Is that logic for you, or what?

I sat in the window watching it snow for a couple of hours before going to bed. In New York, the snow turns gray within hours, but just now, in it's pristine whiteness, it was enchanting. Several of my neighbors were heavily into window lights, and the soft mounds that covered the garbage cans in the ally reflected a holiday spectrum of colors: red and green and gold.

My windows were iced up, and the streetlights where halos refracted through the frost. For a while, I forgot about being alone and depressed on Christmas Eve. When my upstairs neighbor turned off his lights, I sighed and finished my eggnog and went to bed.

At first, I wasn't sure what had woken me; sort of a rattling sound coming from the living room window. I turned over, and thought, "Oh it's just Perty playing with the sash." Then I froze. Perty doesn't live here anymore. I quietly got out of bed and grabbed the softball bat from the closet. I tip toed as stealthily as I could to the bedroom door. And stubbed my toe on the dresser.

Oomph! I stuffed my fist in my mouth to keep from screaming. I inched open the door and crept around the bend. I raised the bat to bring it down on the intruder's head. And stopped. Santa Claus's red covered ass was sticking up as he bent to close the window behind him.

"Aren't you supposed to come down the chimney?" I asked with great originality.

Santa screamed and spun around. Hmmm, this Santa had it's padding in the wrong spots.

"You scared me," she accused.

"I scared you? This is my apartment."

"Well yes I know. I did knock, but I guess you were asleep."

"You guessed right. Can I ask, you know just for my information, what you were doing out on my fire escape?"

"Well, I kind of locked myself out."

"You locked yourself out of my apartment?"

"No, out of mine. I'm your new neighbor."

"I didn't know Ms. Claus moved in next to me." I answered still being a bit sarcastic since my adrenaline was running around my bloodstream. And then there was the stubbed toe adding pain signals to the proceedings.

"Oh the costume. Well, I was playing Mrs. Claus for some kids tonight. We, where I work, we get together and take some toys around to one of the shelters for the kids. We tell them that Santa had to delegate cause there's just too much for him to cover in one night."

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about the fake beard this way. But isn't it kind of late," I squinted at the clock, "three o'clock. I thought Santa made his rounds at midnight."

"Oh Merry Christmas. Well, actually, we finished at the shelter around ten, but then we went out to do a little celebrating. And we wound up at Jo's house singing carols. And then Erin and Pam dropped me home and left."

"OK, I can see how all that can take some time and all, but how did you wind up on my fire escape?"

"Well, I guess my keys fell out of my bag at Jo's house, or at least, I hope they're at her house. There was an oriental man downstairs just going out with his dog, so he let me in."

"Gee, Mr. Hui was walking his dog this time of night."

Ms. Claus smiled, "I think I'm going to like you a lot."

"Why?" I asked rather puzzled.

"Because you didn't say anything about that fact that he shouldn't let a stranger into the building."

"Well who wouldn't let Ms. Claus into the building on Christmas Eve? Particularly."

I quickly tried to figure out if it was politically correct to call Ms Claus pretty, no maybe lovely was better considering her eyes and the dimple, "Particularly such a lovely Ms Claus."

"Thank you." Ms Claus blushed and her eyes traveled to my breasts, which were straining against the tee shirt I wear to sleep. OK, it's a very tight tee shirt so even my little bits strained it.

"Anyway," Ms Claus continued, "I got upstairs and reached in my bag, but no keys. So I thought, maybe I could get in my window. I went up to the roof and came down the fire escape, but my windows are locked. And, well I didn't want to have to climb up again, and I wasn't sure I could get in the roof door again, so I stared knocking on your window."

"Wouldn't it have been simpler to ring my door bell in the first place?"

"Well, yes, but I didn't want to wake you."

"Well, what do you want to do now? Do you want to call your friend Jo and ask her to bring your keys over?"

"Well, actually, you know it is kind of late and all. I really don't want to ask her to come out in the snow at this time of night. I was kinda hoping, you know, now that I've met you. I was kinda hoping I could crash on your couch? If it's not too much trouble?"

"I would be charmed to have you crash on my couch." I answered in my most gallant manner. Then I noticed the she was still shivering. For that matter, so was I. I also notice that I was more or less bottomless, and I turned a nice shade of Christmas red.

"Uh, would you like something hot to drink before you go to bed?"

I asked as I edged towards the bedroom and my bathrobe. "Oh the would be great. The fire escape so slippery, and it took me so long to climb down from the roof, that I think I'm permanently frozen."

I thought about how much I would like to defrost Ms. Claus while I slipped into my bedroom. I threw on my robe and grabbed an extra blanket and pillow from the closet.

"Here," I said handing her the bedding. "do you want me to find you something to sleep in?"

"I don't think I'd fit into anything of yours." She answered looking at my breasts again.

I blushed an even deeper red and fled into the kitchen. After I put the kettle on, I got out the two Christmas mugs that were my grab bag presents from the previous two years and put them on a tray. Then I got out the last of the ginger snaps that Mrs. Kettelmen always bakes for the people in the building around the holidays, and put them on a plate. I opened the cupboard and rummaged through my Celestial Seasonings tea.

I started to reach for the Sleepy Time, but then I thought, what the heck, it's Christmas, and reached for the Cranberry Zinger instead. "Here we are." I said as I placed the tray on the coffee table. I sat on the couch and was pleased when she sat next to me instead of on the "best chair" recliner I had left for her. I poured the tea and offered honey and lemon, both of which I had forgotten, and which she politely declined.

"So Ms Claus, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a toy maker, of course."

I did a double take; she was smiling, but I couldn't tell if she was joking or not.

"And, I suppose you first name is Santa?"

"Actually, it's Janet."

Now I really thought she was pulling my leg. "Oh and are you from the North Pole." I asked.

"No, from Jersey, but please don't hold that against me." I laughed and felt that I really was going to like Janet Claus very much too.

For a while, we just sat enjoying each other's body heat and sipping our tea. She was rather well suited for the role of Ms Claus filling out her costume beautifully. I was rather sorry that this was the high neck kind rather than the low cut sexy elf kind. I am very partial to a good view of cleavage. "So, now you know my name and what I do, how about you?"

"Well, my name is Lynn, and I work for a newspaper."

"Really, are you a writer?"

"Eh, no, I'm there computer person. You know, I put the stuff on the web for them, and keep the network going and all that." "Oh, so your a high tech dyke?"

For a minute, I was confused. How could she tell so quickly that I was a dyke? I mean, not that I try to hide it or anything. But we'd just met.

"How'd you know I'm a dyke?"

"Well, you have been flirting with me haven't you?" "Well, yeah. I have been." There I went blushing again. I guess it's the season.

"Well, since straight women usually don't flirt with me, I just assumed that you were a dyke."

"Do... do a lot of dykes flirt with you?"

"A few."

"Does that mean that your a dyke?"

"Not necessarily. I could just hang out with them."

"Oh." And suddenly Christmas got lonely again.

"But, actually, I am."

"Oh." And suddenly Christmas was very merry indeed.

"You don't seem to have any mistletoe around here."

"Oh we had some last year, but the cat ate some and got sick."

"We?"

"My ex and I. She moved out a few weeks ago. She took Perty with her, so I guess I could get more mistletoe." And I looked around as if some might materialize, cause I sure wanted to kiss Ms Claus.

"Well, it's the thought that counts." And Ms Claus kissed me!

I was quickly able to ascertain that all of the padding that filled out her costume was actually her. Mmmm, she had lovely, soft, full, luscious breasts, and they felt incredible through the velvet of her top. It was a long breathless interval later that we pulled apart.

"Merry Christmas," she wished me again.

"Merry Christmas," I answered. "I guess I should let you get some sleep huh?"

"Well, you know, us Santas usually don't get much sleep the night before Christmas."

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring... Well, unless you count in bed. I guess you could say we were stirring. Hmmmm, no stocking caps though; actually, we weren't wearing much of anything. And if eight tiny reindeer landed on the roof, I sure was too busy to notice.